Supporting My Sister

2021.10.23 14:34 SirthrowawayVII Supporting My Sister

Trigger warning!!! Heavy mentions of self-harm + mental health struggles!
Long post ahead. I wanted to go into every detail that I could in order to build a better picture.
So a little background first: I am a 21 year old male from the UK. I have severe troubles with my mental health and have constant suicidal thoughts. It is currently “being seen to” by the relevant people. My younger sister [let’s call her Sophie] is 11 years old. She has just moved to secondary school and is struggling with anxiousness.
The two of us live with our mother, father, and other sister (17). Our mother is bipolar and currently being being helped by a mental health team. She is still struggling all the time but hopeful that eventually she’ll be okay. Our father is very distant and doesn’t really understand “mental health.” He tries to support my mother, however he has never understood why she feels the way she does. He certainly does not emphasise with me either. He is currently dealing with some difficulties in terms of work, that I have been told not to question or inquire about. Neither of our parents know the extent of what I am dealing with, and that is by choice, however they are aware I am getting help. Our other sister [let’s call her Lettie] is in sixth form at the same secondary as Sophie. She is aware of both mine and my mother’s state, and helps in whatever way she can. Overall Lettie and Sophie do not get along well.
I started noticing a change in Sophie a few weeks ago. She’s always telling me about her day at school and I to chat to her about her friends and the drama she is having. Suddenly she was less open about it and started keeping to herself more at home. Both our mother and Lettie attempted to find out why she was being like this but to no avail. I went to Sophie one day last week and decided to talk about something I knew she’d be more comfortable about, in the hopes that she may open up afterwards. This was successful and she explained how she was hating her school life and beginning to hate herself. She explained that she felt isolated from everyone, and that none of them wanted to be around her. This made her angrier at school, which made her more likely to lash out at the friends she did have, and therefore become even more isolated. All of this sounded somewhat familiar to what I remember when I started secondary, so I felt like I could somewhat relate to her.
This talk of ours showed she clearly trusted me enough to talk about all of this. I’ve been checking up on her daily since then and trying to help how I can
This was until the other day when I got home from work. Usually by this time both Lettie and Sophie are in bed, however this time they were sat watching television together. I sat down and Lettie told Sophie she needed to talk to me. Sophie agreed and tried to speak, however she couldn’t get her words out. Lettie offered to start, to which Sophie nodded in agreement. Lettie turned to me and told me to take a look at Sophie’s hand. It had three long scratches along the side of it…
By this point I felt my heart drop. I knew exactly what they were and felt my usual “home attitude” fall away and was replaced with my more typical persona. Me and Sophie made eye contact and I asked her what happened. She hesitated and mumbled “I did them.” Her voice broke part way through and her eyes immediately filled with tears as her head dropped into her hands. The room was silent for a moment and I asked her what she had used. She said a plastic knife that she had brought home a few days prior. I asked where it was and she said she got rid of it. I asked again and she told me where it was in her bedroom. I stood up and she told me exactly where it was hidden as I went to her room. I found the knife and just stared at it for a solid five minutes. I took it away and put it in my bedroom.
I returned to where Lettie and Sophie were sat, and Lettie explained how a friend of Sophie’s had approached Lettie anonymously and expressed concerned for what Sophie was doing to herself. Lettie confronted Sophie about it, and asked if she would be willing to let me know when I returned home.
I asked Sophie why she was doing it, and she simply responded with “I’m not happy.” I asked her if cutting was making her feel happy and she shook her head. Lettie was telling her to speak to our mother about it, to which both me and Sophie didn’t reply.
I looked Sophie in the eye and asked her to make me a promise. I asked her to promise me that she’ll never do it again. She did. I didn’t believe her (she doesn’t really stick to promises usually) and asked her to promise that if she ever did it again, she would have to do it to me too. She hesitated but accepted.
Trust me, I’m aware that these actions of mine were not the best path to take. In the moment I wasn’t thinking straight and made many errors in an attempt to help. Taking the knife and making her promise to stop were foolish, and the guilt hit me like a truck afterwards.
Later that night, I was talking to my mother and she asked what was going on. I said I couldn’t say as it would damage trust with someone I cared for. I knew I couldn’t talk to my mother about it, as she would blame herself for it and I couldn’t put that on her when she was really struggling already. However she turned to me and asked “Is this about the scratches on Sophie’s hand?” I didn’t reply, but I imagine my silence was a sign that she was correct. She said, “I’m not stupid, I had my suspicions. I’m guessing she’s told you what they’re actually from.” I nodded and said that they were indeed self inflicted. She wasn’t angry at all, but clearly hurt. We talked about what she was going through, however I didn’t delve into every detail. Her theory was attention seeking since we found out from Lettie that Sophie had told a lot of people about it, and made it very obvious to everybody around her at school. I didn’t deny the possibility, however I said that I personally didn’t believe that was Sophie’s reasoning. My mother asked Sophie to come and speak to her, to which she asked if Sophie would let her put some cream on her hand to help it heal. Sophie was suspicious and made eye contact with me which our mother noticed and asked if they could talk in Sophie’s room.
My mother came down later and said Sophie told her everything. We continued speaking about it for the rest of the evening. The next day Sophie agreed to go and speak to the school “councillor.” Over the following days, nobody mentioned anything in relation to Sophie. I barely spoke to her but she seemed in high spirits whenever I saw her.
That basically brings me to today. I haven’t stopped thinking about it and feel like I can’t speak to anyone about it. I can’t talk to my mother because she is struggling. I can’t talk to my father because he’s oblivious and wouldn’t help. I can’t talk to Lettie because she’s basically having to support everybody at once. I’ve been feeling like I need to do something to help support Sophie, but not been sure what to do.
We’ve been home together most of the day but nothing had been really said between us. Eventually I went to my room and returned to her with the plastic knife. She looked puzzled but I handed it to her. I said that I couldn’t force her to do anything, and that I trusted her. She nodded and put it in her pocket.
So here we are now. Was I stupid to give her it back? I’m really struggling at the moment in general and this has made it even worse (that isn’t why I’m here, however it’s just to build a clearer picture as to why talking to her is so hard). How do I support her going forward? Do I trust the school to help? Me and Lettie are keeping an eye on our mother as we know it’s affected her as well.
She’s 11 years old and shouldn’t be feeling like this. I just want to help her in every way that I can, but I fear that help isn’t good enough. I hope that catching this now means that something will be done to help her before it gets worse as she gets older, but I’m not sure.
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timestamp n album
Hello yall,
next up for your consideration is a custom version Tenicor Certum LUX 2 IWB/AWIB holster with custom tsunami fabric wrap. comes with all hardwares, compatible with a bunch of different lights including: TLR-7/TLR-7A, Surefire XC1-B, XC2, Inforce APLc, Olight PL-Mini, PL-Mini 2 and Nightstick TCM-550XL. optic compatible, suppressor height sights compatible. dcc clips, can be carried appendix or on the hip, very comfortable and overall pretty slim. best design n mold imho absolutely loved it, cnc holsters are the way to go.
costed me $110 for the holster and $50 for my lgs to wrap it. minimum weause. Would love to keep it unfortunately downsizing rn due to work relocation.
asking $85 shipped, accepting venmo/paypal. paypal gs please add 3%. Thank you!
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About me: I'm 22 years old, a male, 5'9, 180lbs (down from 185lbs), small black hair and beard, born and raised in Canada, a University student, a nerd/geek.
Hobbies and interests: When not stressing over studies I like to spend my time by playing games on my pc (shitty laptop), binge watch anime, read anything fantasy related, go hiking with friends and recently got into biking too. I would type more about each but then what will we have to talk about xD.
What I'm looking for: Like said before looking for someone who I can the love of my life, someone who I can play games or binge anime with. Send cute morning messages and share my whole life with. Age and ethnicity does not matter to me neither do looks, in my head if you get know a person well enough you will love them no matter how they look. Location wise I prefer someone closer to me but it does not matter, I can do ldr :)
If you found me interesting and would like to chat message either on DM or reddit chat.
Here is an ice breaker, what was the last chocolate you had?
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